Obama Thinks Biden’s Scranton Ties Will Buy Him PA

B. Hussein Obama is starting to see the writing on the wall.

As each week passes, his strategy of making Sen. John McCain defend GOP mainstays like Georgia , Virginia, and North Carolina to keep him out of swing states like Ohio, Missouri, and Florida long enough for Obama to grab em’ up, looks and smells more and more like an egg salad sandwich after two weeks in the refrigerator.

According to recent polls, McCain currently holds leads in ALL of the aforementioned battleground states. Meanwhile, Obama is starting to see the Straight Talk Express move closer and closer in the rear-view mirror of traditionally democratic areas like Pennsylvania, Michigan, Minnesota, and Wisconsin. So, when it came time to announce his long awaited selection for running mate, it made perfect sense for him to call Joe Biden to the stage.

Being a popular governor of a swing state, Biden can . . . oh wait, he’s the Senator of the solidly blue state of Delaware.

Being such a long time staunch Obama ally, Biden can . . . . crap, not him either. Biden actually said that Obama was no where near ready to be President.

Being a Washington outsider, Biden can . . . . dooh, still not him. Biden has been in the Senate longer than McCain, an eye-popping 36 years.

Being such a seasoned politician, Biden is not likely to make many gaffes . . . . OK I give up, that’s not him either. Biden has a laundry list of campaign mistakes from plagiarizing a speech, to lying to the media about his credentials, to telling a fellow Senator that he has a “higher IQ” on the chamber floor, to calling 7-11 an Indian franchise empire, to most recently, calling Obama “articulate” . . . . for a black man.

Then, why in the world is Joe Biden the democratic nominee for Vice President of the United States? Two words: Electric City.

You see, in the PA democratic primary this spring, Hillary Clinton KILLED Obama. Not defeated, not eeked out a win over, she KILLED “The One” in our backyard. Lunch bucket dems (and some Republicans under the Operation Chaos command of El Rushbo) went to the polls in droves to send the message loud and clear to the Messiah that those “bitter” Americans who “tend to cling to guns or religion or antipathy for people who arent’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment” have a habit of congregating in mass within the borders of this Commonwealth. Obama understands that the message will be even louder come the fall and he realizes that without Pennsylvania in his column on election night, he has ZERO chance of becoming the next President of the United States.

Enter Joe Biden. The Obama campaign is under the delusional belief that because Biden was born in Scranton 65 years ago and goes to mass at a Catholic church on Sundays, that we will perceive him as “one of us”. As such, we are supposed to gravitate to the polls in large numbers for the “fellow Pennsylvania catholic done good” and save his butt from a November landslide defeat. Does he REALLY think we are that dumb? What a minute, HE DOES! We’re just those ignorant rednecks who believe in God, go to church, and love our country, remember? We can be easily swayed by a silver-haired huckster for the simple fact that he claims Scranton as his home town (did anyone else notice how many times he mentioned Scranton at his introduction today?)!

Of course, the local media is jumping right on the bandwagon:

WNEP says “Obama Picks Scranton Native Biden as his Running Mate”.

WBRE and WYOU declare “Obama Selects Scranton’s Own”

Local blogs weep “Scranton Joe Packs his Lunch Pail”

Forget the fact that Biden has not lived in this state since before I was born. Forget the fact that though he now proclaims himself to be the “poorest Senator in Washington” and tells us that “like you I think about the hard times that are upon us”, he sat in anticipation of the veep announcement from his $1.5 million ranch in Delaware.

No matter. I am confident that we know better. It will take more than a birth certificate and a wry smile to win this state. It will take sound economic policies. It will take toughness on illegal immigration. It will take vision in foreign policy to combat the Islamic fundamentalist jihad on our nation and our culture. In short, it will take someone NOT named B. Hussein Obama or Joseph Biden.

So, go ahead, Joe. Take off that suit jacket, roll up them sleeves, unbutton that collar, and pack that lunch pail with a bologna sandwich, but only if it makes you feel more comfortable. Be forewarned that us no good hicks will be listening to what you are actually saying (or not saying). That will be the determining factor in this state.

Oh, and for next time, its pronounced Woolks-Bear, not Willks-Berry.

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1 Comment

Filed under Campaign 08', National

One response to “Obama Thinks Biden’s Scranton Ties Will Buy Him PA

  1. Shelly

    Awesome! ~ This Scranton naitive won’t be voting Dem.

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